If Today You Hear His Voice...

The idea of "listening to God" is quite a common theme in Scripture.  I am no Scripture scholar, but I know some, so clearly that makes me qualified to make such a blanket statement.  All kidding aside, we DO sing about this idea in the Psalms at mass.  There are many popular memory verses from the Bible, like the old "Ask and you shall receive" verse.  (Matthew 7:7)  And there are tons of people in the Bible who make it their mission to seek God's will in their lives and listen to Him.  I think it's more of a rarity to be aware of this theme in our everyday lives, though.  Not only do we rarely take the time to notice what He might be saying to us, sometimes quite loudly and quite clearly, no one actually thinks about how alarming it is when you knock and the door is opened.  It's so alarming that, most of the time, we tend to deny that God directly answered a request, and instead attribute it to something like "coincidence" or "luck."  It can also be tempting to misunderstand what it is He is saying, brush it off completely, or just forget about it.  But three times this week, I have had what really felt like God's whisperings in my ear.  On the one hand, his words have brought me such comfort, and on the other hand, it is terrifying to me that HE is paying attention to little 'ole me.  Part of me wants to slink under a rock with the realization that Oh goodness, He does see me.  (He's seen me at my best and worst!)  He knows my heart.  He knows what I need.  And LOOK, He's giving it to me.  That can be both a liberating and paralyzing realization. 

The first "encounter" happened at mass on Sunday.  I entered the church with a very heavy heart, and came to God with a very specific question before mass started.  To tell you that the question I asked Him was so specific that it would take a true miracle for Him to answer it directly is an understatement.  And it was answered directly and specifically, by the husband of a friend, who spoke to me before mass started.  I didn't realize God was answering me until the first mass reading was read, and as the lector started reading, tears filled my eyes.  I got goose bumps.  Did this friend know what I asked God?  How was that possible?!!??!!  No, of course not.  He was simply moved to say something to me.  Something that God must have wanted me to know, so He used this person to speak to me.  Freaky.  And awesome.

Later in the week I managed to sneak away to mass without the kids.  It has been a rough week emotionally, as I've been dealing with some interpersonal conflict in my life.  Again, I entered the chapel, had some quiet time with God, and asked him to PLEASE give me a sign so that I know what he expects of me regarding the issues I have been dealing with.  What am I to do??? I asked him.  Mass began, and I realized with some annoyance that the priest had decided to read completely different readings than those assigned to the mass that day.  I think when there's a feast day (it was St. Elizabeth of Hungary) the priest can choose different readings.  Anyway, I was annoyed until I was utterly hit over the head, a-la Three Stooges, by the timeliness of the readings.  In both cases, with the first and second readings, it was clear that God was again answering me very specifically.  Do this.  Think this.  Act this way.  For this is what a daughter of Mine does.  Oh man!  Twice in one week???!!!  Okay, God, I hear you.

Again this morning, God reminded me that he is with me in my struggles.  He reminded me that He knows I'm seeking answers from Him, and there's really no way to deny what He's saying or blame it on coincidence.  I reluctantly woke up after a rough night with a teething toddler, thinking I probably wouldn't get my morning prayer time in.  I had just poured the hot water over the tea bag when I heard her on the monitor.  (No, not Him on the monitor, although that would make a much better blog post!)  I go upstairs, bitter with the realization that after I try to get her back to sleep my tea will be way over-steeped, but whatever.  I needed the extra caffeine.  She didn't go back to sleep, of course, so we came down with ten minutes to spare before I expected to be interrupted by the older two.  I said to myself, "Forget it, I'm putting her on my lap, and I'm saying my morning office whether it's the best prayer time I've ever had or not.  Whether it counts or not."  So I did.  And of course, God saw what was on my heart, offering me more words of wisdom and consolation in the words from the morning office.  (If I had given up on my prayer time, I would've missed this encounter with Him, another encounter that solidified my previous feelings that He really has been with me in a very special way this week.  I'm glad I didn't skip it!)

I feel like I asked.  And I feel like I received.  I knocked.  He opened.  It's scary to realize that God does hear us.  That He does listen to us and knows the "thoughts and reflections of our hearts."  And while there are plenty of times in my life when I've been mad because I've not heard Him say what I wanted Him to say, when I wanted Him to say it, that doesn't mean He isn't there.  He does not forsake any one of his children, and I think that's what faith really is.  The belief that no matter what, whether we are able to hear His voice or not, at least we are asking to, at least we are constantly seeking Him.  And when we do hear Him, whether through friends speaking to us, or through Scripture, or prayer, or in the silence of our hearts, the only way to repay Him for opening our eyes enough to see Him, our ears enough to hear Him, is to listen.